7 Tips for Visiting Your First Members-Only Fetish Club
Photo credit KinkBnB
If you have reached the Craftiness through a site like Fetlife, you probably don't need any help in this area. But this blog post comes at the request of a reader, one who isn't just trying to DIY their tools and toys, but also their experience in the fetish community. Not all of us are blessed to have a teacher or guide in the kinkworld, but with a little awareness in the right places, you'll probably find one.
By request, here are my tips for visiting a members-only fetish club.
7. Do your research
A lot of us want to dive in feet first, caution be damned. But a healthy google search can give you a much better start in the fetish world.
In my area, the best sex clubs make some mention in their bio or name of being "Sex Positive." Take a poke around on their website- there should be a strong focus on community and education, with classes offered throughout the year. Skim their calendar. Do those classes excite you? Most fetish clubs will also have a clearly stated "Codes of Conduct" with standards of behavior that all members must observe. You (and your partner, if you're going together) should read through this carefully. You're stepping into someone else's safe space- make sure to respect that.
6. Pick the right event
"Eegads!" you might exclaim, "They have a party just for unicorns who want to rub their horns together?! It's perfect for me!" But be careful, unicorn- however much fantasizing and reading you've done on a subject, you'll be surprised how powerful your first experience "IRL" can be.
If the event is listed as a workshop or class, you're probably going to be fine. Most will even specify whether or not newcomers are welcome. But if it's a fetish party, open dungeon, orgy or play session, take extra care. Attendees are going to be there to fully engage in their kink. They may not have time to show a novice the ropes. Read the description of the event carefully- many parties will have strict dress codes that will be enforced at the door.
For my first time at a new club, I usually pick a night of more general fun, one where I can read "the more the merrier" in the vibe. If you're not sure, it never hurts to send an email to the club itself. Veteran staffers are usually happy to point a new person in the right direction.
5. Find out if your event is members only
Some events will be members-only, some will be open to the public. If a workshop or party is open to nonmembers, it will usually be a slightly higher door fee. Sometimes clubs will offer toe-in-the-water discounts for your first time. Either way, become acquainted with the pricing before you go. Door fees may seem steep, but remember that they are offering a very unique experience, and that these organizations often pay for extra permits and expenses not required for other venues.
4. Be prepared for alcohol, or a lack thereof.
So you've picked your venue and picked your night, now preparations are in order. Many states have laws prohibiting alcohol and nudity in the same venue, even in members-only clubs. If you like to have a little buzz before heading into a new adventure, plan to have your wine at dinner before you go to the party/ workshop.
However, please note that a mild buzz is all you should have walking in. Consent is a cornerstone of the kink world, and you cannot legally give consent while you are intoxicated. Until you know the club better and have some familiarity with attendees, keep it on the sober side.
3. Take a friend or partner with you
If you are the adventurous type, by all means, go alone. But be aware that going to a fetish party alone is kind of like going to a restaurant alone. Attendees are putting aside their time to come to a specific place and enjoy their favorite "dish," so to speak. This is not to say that they won't be polite to a new person, but they will be fairly focused on whatever it was they came there to enjoy. It can be easier to make new friends if you have one with you already.
If you are going to a workshop, many are partner based activities. Usually attendees fall into two camps, the dom side and the sub side, and sometimes classes are unbalanced. If you want to go by yourself and there is a clear division between doms and subs in the activity, write to the club ahead of time to make sure there is room.
2. Respect the privacy of other club goers
Unless otherwise specified, assume that photographs are not allowed. Once again, consent is essential, so venues will usually have specifically designated areas where photographs are permitted. Even pulling out your cell phone can be considered bad form, as most cell phones have cameras on them. So play it safe until you get the lay of the land, and take photos of your sexy outfits outside the venue.
You may find that patrons of the club will introduce themselves by a non-legal name, like a nickname or title. Do not ask for their "real name." If they want you to know, they will tell you. You may also see masks or hoods that obscure the identity of the wearer. They're not common, but if you do encounter them, be polite and respectful.
1. Relax
Once you get there, take the time when walking in the door to take a deep breath. You may have never been in a space like it before, but remember, every whip, cage and shackle is there for the purpose of pleasure, and will only be used on willing and consenting participants. Don't push yourself too far too fast; move at your own pace. If you walk in and find that you are not ready to participate, that's ok.
If it's possible, ask one of the club's staff to give you a tour of the facility. Many clubs have spaces for after care, designated no-play zones, or chill rooms where you can go if you feel overwhelmed. Ask that your guide point out the "Dungeon Master" if they have one. The DM is a person who takes on the responsibility of facilitating the event. Any questions or concerns you have can be fielded by the DM.
Now, I know that all of your worries won't be washed away with one article, but not to fear! In my experience, fetish clubs are full of wonderful human beings. Now shake the dust off your fancy clothes, find a venue, and go have a great time!
With love,
Charlie
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