Tinder Dating as a Submissive
This is an issue that I've dealt with repeatedly. You're getting to know someone. It's a first date, you're enjoying each other, things are still casual. But lurking in the back of your mind is the knowledge that someday, hopefully soon, you'll want to tell this person about your kinky side and see if they mesh.
My mistake before, and maybe you've made it to, is opening up with honesty about my needs and desires. I'm a submissive, and where I enjoy vanilla sex sometimes, I want most of my sexual diet to be a little spicier. This level of honesty always seemed smart- after all, if they want to be monogamous, it would be tough to be in a relationship where I couldn't have S&M sex.
The flaw, though, is that it gives the potential partner a mold to fill, and they're still in "I'm trying to impress this person" mode. If they like you, they will probably try to fill that niche, even if it's not something they are really excited about.
As it turns out, unenthusiastic doms don't quite do it for me, and I've been left feeling frustrated.
My trick is this. When you get to the point where you are talking about your after-hours interests, state that you are turned on by BDSM, but do not go into specifics. Ask your potential partner, "If you were to try something like that, what would you be interested in?" Then just listen.
If they say some variation of, "I could be into tying you up," then congratulations! Get freaky. If they say, "I'm not really into that," or "I'd be down to let you tie me up," then the relationship isn't dead in the water, but it's good information to have moving forward.
Stay tuned for the follow up post: "How-to Make a Relationship Work When You Have Different Kinks"
