The Necklace Trick
I read this trick years ago in a Dan Savage column, and it has stuck with me as one of the greatest pieces of S&M advice I've ever heard.
See, the woman writing to Savage Love for advice is a feminist (as am I) but also loves S&M play (we've got a lot in common). She was having trouble reconciling these two sides of herself and communicating clearly about them with her partner.
Dan Savage wrote back:
"Get a necklace, NCA, that you wear only when you want the boyfriend to take charge. You decide when that necklace goes on, you decide when it comes off, which puts you in control, paradoxically, of your own submission.
When you're wearing it, you're BETTY CROCKER (whoever she is) and the boyfriend has your consent to order you about, spank your ass, and fuck you senseless. When it's off, you're equals. Easy!"
This really is brilliant advice for a number of reasons. It soothes awkwardness and acts as a clear green light, but it also creates a talisman of something special that you and your partner share.
Slow clap for Dan Savage. The man is a genius.
